Dear Diary · Everything

11:51 PM

Dear diary,

As if I wasn’t hurting enough. I am trying so hard to get my life of track. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I don’t have ahold on my life. Like I can’t just do what I want to do because then everything will fall apart. There is nothing in my life that is mine anymore. School is for my parents. One job is for my parents and family. My other job is for the little girls I teach. The last thing I had was my home bakery with my best friend. And even that has turned into me just trying to impress other people.

The worst part is I feel like as much as I try to hold it all together for other people, I’m letting them down. I feel like I can’t do anything right. I can’t coach right, I can’t get good enough grades, I can’t act right.

I can’t act right. Now that’s the hardest pill to swallow. My parents had to talk to me tonight about how defensive I get with my dad when he tries to help me. I don’t even know what to say. My dad’s opinion means so much to me and i try to make him proud and I just feel like he’s constantly expecting more and more. I feel like I do so many things that make me unhappy to make him happy. I feel like he’s always telling me the bad parts of myself but I’m trying to be the best person I can.

I just want to be happy but I can’t I try so hard to find the light when I’m feeling down but I just can’t.I feel like I’m living a life I don’t want to live. I’m living for other people and I can’t handle it.

I feel like

I can’t even finish this anymore.

xoxo,
A.M.

One thought on “11:51 PM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s