Dear Diary · Everything

3:18 PM

Dear diary,

I just had a mini panic attack about how broke I am. I had to calm myself down so now I’m sitting here listening to Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones… best song ever I’ve listened to it three times in a row so far… here comes a fourth time.

Sometimes I have panic attacks and I literally feel like the world is going to crash down onto me. The best thing that works for me is cleaning with some good music on and lighting candles. It relaxes me and clears my mind. After I’ve calmed down, I try to reflect on my day and think of 3 things that I am grateful for today.

Now reflecting on my day, I am very happy right now. Went out to lunch with my best friend Morgan, and we saw two people we haven’t seen in a while, but I love them. They’re the sweetest girls and it’s just so much fun catching up with people. We talked for a while then I ate lunch with Morgan and after I went to the store with my sisters. And the day is not even over yet.

1. I’m living and breathing.
2. Saw people I haven’t seen in a while and got some good laughs in.
3. Spent time with my sisters, since I hardly do because I’m always either working or sleeping.

I have so much more to be grateful for today.

Now when I was having the panic attack I literally could not focus on anything except the problem at hand and I felt like my life was shit and I’m screwed. Now that I’ve calmed down I realize how good of a life I have and how lucky I am to have such special people in my life. Obviously life is not perfect, but it could always be worse. And sometimes I just need to take a moment to realize how lucky I am and just work to find a solution to solve my problem rather than just dwell on it. So yes, I owe a bunch of money on my credit card and I have 20 bucks in my savings account, but hey, I’m living and breathing and smiling.

xoxo,
A.M.

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